Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Amelia's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Sunday, May 27th, 2007
12:26 pm	lies lies are everywhere around us....no way of getting away from it...apparently. what good is a lie? or two? or three? or more? that one little white lie you told to keep yourself out of trouble has just put a barrier between you and the real you. you cant be real if your words and actions dont follow suit. then there is the upkeep of your lie. you have to remember that lie for the rest of time....you have to act upon that lie for the rest of your life....you have to hold the weight of " i cant let anyone find out the truth" on your shoulders for the rest of your life. then when the truth finally does come out you get to pay the consequences for telling that one little lie. and trust me, the consequences are usually a whole lot bigger than the lie itself. you lie to keep someone safe. but in the end you are going to lose that person to the truth and never know if they are really safe anymore. you probably; for their sake, will never see them again, talk to them again, or get anything said positively about yourself from them, ever again. myself, being a pretty blunt and honest person respects anyone for just being able to come up to me and tell me out of nowhere that they lied about something. i wont be happy about the lie... but by YOU telling me before i find out (cause i will) will probably save your sorry ass from losing everything i can take from you. what is the point of saying that you think someone is not really attractive and dumb as a post if you really dont believe that?! hell i might be hot, but i know im not the only hot one out there. the worst part is when i find out about the lie before anyone has the decency to tell me themselves. im then in a very awkward position. what do i do? ive invested so much into this person and have grown into them that to take myself away from them would be taking a piece away from me. but then maybe that just leaves more room for me to be me. but i am me. i dont have anything to hide. but i cant have an addition of me bring me down cause they lost their balls somewhere along the way. i cant let anyone get away with hurting me though, which leaves me to bring it up all the time and bitch. not that i have a problem with bitching, but i dont actually enjoy having to do it...especially when ive done it so much in the past....it makes me feel like the bad guy....but why? i am far from being a bad person...if i do say so myself, i am actually a pretty damn good person....especially to those that mean something to me. everyone grows up and is taught what a lie is, and how bad it is...why its bad...how it hurts people...and what are two of the biggest things lie in regards to....love/relationships....and work. love and relationships....how the hell do you lie to someone that you love....that you put so much effort into with your actions and words...you love someone....they have gained your love...and your trust im sure...and the only thanks they get is a lie....or lies after fuckin lies....now thats the way to love someone!!! how can someone be so selfish that they cant give what they get? what ever happened to treating others how you want to be treated? maybe i should start truly treating everyone how they treat me....then maybe they really will know how i feel....cause they say they do....but im sure thats just another lie. and hell, then theres when you have to regain trust. ha! thats a fun one to do! trust is a pretty hard thing to gain. especially with a person that has lost almost everyone in their life because of trust issues. trust is a privelage, not a right (i sound like my parents), even if it is your other half. but how do you prove to someone you are not doing what they acuse you of doing? its easy to prove someone has done something wrong, but how do you prove they arent? ive been thinking about this for a long long time, and the only solution i have is by being completely honest about every little thing....even if its something you normally wouldnt share with a person, do it! you cant just not hide things from a person, you have to let every little ounce of you and everything you do be wide out in the open. thats the only way i can come up with. im a pretty private person, and i learned throughout relationships and stuff, and from people (including my boyfriends) that a relationship is something that should be so open that you dont get or should i say need all sorts of privacy. of course everyone needs some....but where do the people in my life get off telling me this, then going behind my back and lying about tons of shit. so has everything from day one been a lie....to cover your tracks in the future? after a person lies to you about so many things you begin to lose trust in everything they say....even the "ill call you"....."i love you"...."your the only one for me and ill never need more"...."they're just a good friend"...."it doesnt mean anything"....."i would never do that".... how do you figure out whats true and what isnt? how do you know when to trust again? how? How? how? Current Mood: disappointed (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 1st, 2006
12:06 am	Goodbye Lately I have been thinking about not using my myspace account anymore, and I don’t really use my livejournal anyways, but I know there are people on both that I want to hear this. There has been so much bullshit going on in my life lately, and unfortunately some of it stems from here. I have decided and realized that I can’t have certain people in my life for many reasons. Now there are many people I would like to keep in my life, but this is a time when I’m gonna find out who really is a friend, who really respects me, and respects Steven and I. To those of you that this does not pertain to thank you and there will hopefully be many good years ahead! Many people, and you know who you are, have been running their mouths and making my life hell. If you have a problem with me, or a potential problem with me and you can’t bring it to me yourself, you can just go fuck yourself. If you want to believe the things that other people are saying then go for….I don’t need you or want you in my life. Leave Steven and I the hell alone and on with your stupid thug life… And how fuckin dare you call my workplace to threaten me! Keep me out of your problems and your life in general! I wont have the bad guys telling me how my life is going to be. As for the people that either want to show my boyfriend their boobs….any other part of their body…..want to nap with him coz you’re cold…...want to fuck him….want him back…..treat us like we’re fuckin 10 years old….and just don’t respect me or him and I as a couple….go fuck yourself! Either respect yourself enough to respect others or stay the hell out of my life! You are definitely not worth the bullshit any of you have caused! So this is my goodbye to all of you who were part of that now past life. If any of you decide that you don’t want to be jerks, then come talk to me, but until then have a good life and try not to ruin anyone else’s! Current Mood: relieved (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 6th, 2006
3:24 pm	if you're bored http://kevan.org/johari?view=A_M_Y (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 5th, 2006
1:42 am	A Awesome M Meek Y Yum Name / Username: Name Acronym Generator From Go-Quiz.com (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 1st, 2005
5:37 pm	hmmm....i dunno div align="center"> Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||||||||||| 53% Stability |||||||||||| 50% Orderliness |||||||||||| 43% Accommodation |||||||||||||| 56% Interdependence |||||||||| 36% Intellectual |||||| 30% Mystical |||||||||||||||||| 76% Artistic |||||||||||||||| 70% Religious |||||| 23% Hedonism |||||||||||||| 56% Materialism |||||||||||| 43% Narcissism |||||||||||| 43% Adventurousness |||||| 30% Work ethic |||||||||||| 43% Self absorbed |||||||||||||| 56% Conflict seeking |||||| 23% Need to dominate |||||||||| 36% Romantic |||||||||||||||||| 76% Avoidant |||| 16% Anti-authority |||||||||||||| 56% Wealth |||||| 30% Dependency |||||||||||||| 56% Change averse |||||||||||||||| 70% Cautiousness |||||||||||| 43% Individuality |||||||||||| 43% Sexuality |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Peter pan complex |||||||||||| 50% Physical security |||||||||| 36% Physical Fitness |||||||||||||| 57% Histrionic |||||| 23% Paranoia |||||||||||||| 56% Vanity |||||||||||| 50% Hypersensitivity |||||||||||| 50% Female cliche |||||||||||||| 56% Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test personality tests by similarminds.com (Comment on this)
Monday, November 14th, 2005
12:02 am	If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want, either good or bad. I promise not to come after you with a spatula, either way. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you. Current Mood: curious (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005
12:54 pm	you know what sucks....when there is some what of a conflict....maybe not a conflict, but something in question....then you are given an answer and you trust that answer and everything is fine. then you are told of a conversation in regards to the situation in conflict, with one of the people in the conversation being the person that gave you the first answer that you trust. but this time you are given a slightly different answer. i never thought twice about it....it didnt change anything, until i had a dream about all of this information and it was then that i realized the difference in the answers or responses. is it something that i should really care about? normally i dont think it would be....but for some reason in this case it is bothering me a little. it doesnt necessarily bother me like it did before where the situation bothered me, but the fact that i have been given 2 different responses from one person. i hate dreams sometimes. now i feel like a bitch as well......i hate bringing stuff that has been resolved back up. i feel like i am causing more conflict. BAH! stupid drama.......how i hate it so...but what makes it even worse and now i feel that i am contributing to it...fuck man. and now it effects how i trust people....i usually dont trust people, but i try to...and i am trying really hard to, but its getting hard already and this is what i dreaded most. ok there is my rant. now thats off my mind...kind of..heh ok thats all toodles Current Mood: confused Current Music: mars volta (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 23rd, 2005
9:12 pm	So its sunday night and im sitting alone at home as my parents are headed to the airport. As their wedding is next weekend Debbies daughter and her son are coming to stay with us for 2 weeks. I have not met either of them yet as they live in NC and have not been here in years. i dont even know if Sage has been to Toronto at all. So yea i have a step sister named tanya now.....and i have a nephew named Sage. He is 10. yay I have always wanted a nephew, but i dont have any siblings myself so i knew there was a chance i would never have a nephew or a niece. But now i do!!! yay me! And i really find it funny that my dad is a grandpa and i didnt have to do anything!! woot woot. Well yea now i wait. That is all (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, October 7th, 2005
6:06 pm	hahaha My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul devils_twin goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as zombie prostitute. _wikid_vixen_ gives you 10 light orange banana-flavoured pieces of bubblegum. chetaction tricks you! You get a block of wood. erectmargin tricks you! You lose 4 pieces of candy! furthericity tricks you! You get a scratched CD. mezmo gives you 7 mauve cola-flavoured pieces of taffy. mind2 tricks you! You get a scratched CD. mysogynistic_me gives you 13 light green watermelon-flavoured wafers. or_line tricks you! You get a piece of paper. princess_nikita gives you 4 blue grape-flavoured nuggets. rayna01 gives you 2 yellow watermelon-flavoured gumdrops. devils_twin ends up with 32 pieces of candy, a block of wood, a scratched CD, a scratched CD, and a piece of paper. Go trick-or-treating! Username: Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 20th, 2005
6:22 pm	well, i havent really posted in a little while, as usual. havent been up to a whole lot. working....saving up for the crazy month ahead of me. im not really doing a good job at saving up for it though. october is gonna be such a crazy month. if it wasnt so full of fun things i would defniately want to cancel october. the month starts off with mine and stevens anniversary...going to see lyrics born the next day woot woot!!! apparently steven has a surprise for the show...i wanna know....now!!! hehehe..oh shit, the day before we might be going up north to visit my grandpa for his birthday...well his and stevens birthday...they have the same birthday, its neat...and my grandpa likes him just for that hehe....then it is also jer and sylvies anniversary....then the next weekend we have thanksgiving dinner with stevens family, beccas birthday....and the drag party....the next day steven and i are going to get our tattoos!!!! im so excited!!! im gonna have the sexiest arm ever! thank god the next day is a holiday....i didnt even realize that until yesterday, so monday will be a whole lot of relaxing....then comes jess and jers birthdays as well as a drag show. THEN....at the end of the month is my daddy's wedding!!!! yay!!! *tear* so yea, that is october...im gonna need november to recover. then november wont be so bad, but i do have my surgery, so i will be recovering from that as well. god damn....october and november need to be extended or something. oh man, cant wait for the tattoos...its gonna be soooooo good. anyways, that is all i guess....im sure ill be posting much more in october once things start happening...if i have time hehe alrighty...toodles Current Mood: disappointed (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, August 20th, 2005
10:03 pm	Gay or Not Gay? by tashay17 LJ Name Favorite Color Gay or Not Gay? Not only gay, but a pervert too. Quiz created with MemeGen! Current Mood: contemplative (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 17th, 2005
7:47 pm	wow, am i ever in a mood. I dont even know how to describe it. you would think getting my test results from my doctor would make me feel better, and i guess i kind of do. at least i know what it is exactly, and that they are gonna take care of it. its a simple surgery, nothing to really worry about. i still feel like shit. i dont know why....probably just crazy hormone crap. there isnt much in my life going that bad, yet i feel like nothing is right. i cant deal with people....i cant deal with bitchy people, i cant deal with snarky people....i cant deal with attitude....i cant deal with anything. i want to lock myself in my room and never have to leave. nothing can go wrong if i dont have to leave my room. i hate feeling this way, but it wont go away. i try to...nothing will work, ive lost hope. i hate being so sensitive to everything anyone says to me. i hate taking everything personally. i hate it all. all i want right now is someone to hug, steven to cuddle with, someone to listen, someones shoulder to cry on....but i cant have that. apparently its asking for way too much. although all i want to do is talk and stuff, im afraid to. what if that person says something and i freak out. thats the way things have been happening. i need to tell someone to fuck off. i really have the urge to. everything little thing is getting to me and there are so many people i would love to tell to fuck off. some of them dont deserve it unfourtunately, but i still have that urge. all over something they said or how they said it. im sure they didnt mean to...but still....fuck you!!! im sick of everything. i need to get away...become stable enough to leave...move out.....work...live....away....away from everything. i am not succeeding at anything...im useless....therefore i want to leave it all. move away from it....have my little appartment.....go to work.....come home.....go to sleep.....work....come home...sleep....that seems to be all im good at. ah fuck it all Current Mood: irritated (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 11th, 2005
10:38 pm	well work has been busy but great. i love working there. lots of fun, lots of challenges, so good. My poor baby is sick. :( i want him to feel better. i wish i could be there to take care of him. so the doctor has my test results back. although i pretty much know what it is i am so scared to actually hear it from a doctor. what if it worse than i think it is? it could always be better than i think though. ugh...well i guess im kind of excited too. the worst part of it was waiting...and now i dont have to wait. this is good......and its gets dealt with a lot sooner than i thought, which is good and all......i just dont really know what to expect. ahh ive never had this kind of fear before. its almost an excitedly nervoud fear. ugh well in less than 24 hours i will know the next step...whatever that may be. blah, i feel like poo goodnight Current Mood: exhausted (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 7th, 2005
11:50 pm	Radical man! Michaelangelo Cowabunga, you gots 60%, bitch! You're the funny one! You're not the best fighter, that's why they gave you the nunchakus, no one expects much from you! But you get the funny lines, and the little kids like you, so you get the most actions figures! You like to party, and you lust for April (the chick, not the month, stupid). You get into trouble, but it's all good, 'cause your a party dude! You want more credit for your role as a Ninja Turtle, helping New York and what not, but it's hard, because people won't except you and you know it. If you were a member of N'Sync, you'd be Lance, everyone's favourite idiot (aren't you glad you know why there was that N'Sync question on the test!)You're real close to your older brother Don, so look for others "Dons" in terms of compatability. My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 34% on Turtle Power! Link: The What Ninja Turtle Am I Test written by genepoolfun on OkCupid Free Online Dating (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 3rd, 2005
7:43 pm	im so bored ******THE BASICS****** 2. Full Name: Amelia Kathleen Bowen 3. Birthday: March 3 1986 4. Location: Brampton Ontario 5. School/Mascot/Colors: i dont go to school 6. Zodiac Sign: picese 7. Shoe Size: 9 or10 8. Ring Size: 7 i think 9. Height: 5'7 10. Pets: i want a kitty and a pug and a leeeezard 11. Siblings: nope 13. Hair color: black 14. Grade: im grade A!! 15. Hobbies: music writing, reading...i dunno....lots of stuff i guess 16. Nicknames: aims pookie...um yea 17. What languages do you speak? English, barely French 18. Do you play sports? i used to id like to again 19. Where were you born? brampton 20. Are you a night or a morning person? Night 21. Are you ticklish? extremely 22. Do you believe in God? i dont believe in "God" !!!!!!Getting Personal!!!!!! 23. What do you want to be when you grow up? i dont wanna grow up, but im happy with my job now and id like to do some more makeup 24. What was the worst day of your life? um i dunno 25. What is your most embarrassing story? there are many im sure 26. What has been the best day of your life? april 1st 27. What comes first in your life? Family. 28. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush? yep 29. What are you most scared of? clowns...and not succeeding 30. If you had an extra set of eyes were would you put them? on the back of my neck 31. What do you usually think about before you go to bed? Everything! (:(:(:(:(:About your friends:):):):):) 32. Whose your sweetest friend? steven 33. Whose your funniest friend? i dunno...all of them are pretty damn funny 34. Who makes you laugh most? steven and jer 35. Who do you E-mail most? ryan 36. Whose your meanest friend? terry! haha in a good way though :) 37. Whose the loudest? ed 38. Whose the shyest? jess?! 39. Whose the smartest? no one imparticular 40. Whose the wildest? not sure 41. Whose your best friend? steven 42. Who do you go for girl/guy advice? steven?! hah 43. Who knows all your secrets? steven! 44. Whose the prettiest? everyone is pretty 45. Whose your cutest girl and cutest guy friend? i dunno 46. Whose the most understanding? steven, jer 47. Whose the most honest? steven, jer 48. Whose the weirdest? all of them $$$$$$Favorites$$$$$$ 49. Memory: Ni have many 50. Movie: rocky horror, romero movies, anything with johnny depp 51. Song: i have many 52. Band/Group: many...right now im really into arcade fire 53. Store: siren sherees..mmmm 54. Relative: daddy! 55. Sport: hockey 56. Vacation Spot: Europe somewhere. 57. Ice Cream Flavor: mint chocolate chip! and whatever it was steven had when we got ice cream 58. Fruit: blackberries 59. Candy: 5 cent candies!!!!!! woo ha! 60. Car: classic cars...mustang 61. Class: cosmo 62. Holiday: halloween 63. Day of the Week: Saturday 64. Color: red black orange, lime green 65. Magazine: rue-morgue 66. Name for a Girl: not sure 67. Name for a Boy: not sure ^^^^^^In the Past 24 Hours have You^^^^^^ 68. Lied? Nope 69. Had a serious talk? Nope 70. Hugged someone? Nope :( 71. Fought with a friend? no 72. Cried? Nope. 73. Laughed? Yes. 74. Made someone laugh? Yes 75. Bought something? Nope 76. Cut your hair? Nope 77. Felt stupid? Nope 78. Talked to someone you love? Yeah :) 79. Missed someone? all the time ??????Have you Ever?????? 80. Gone on a date? Yeah. 81. Done drugs? Yes. 82. Eaten an entire box of oreos? probably 83. Been dumped? Yes. 84. Had someone be unfaithful to you? yes 85. Watched punky Brewster? yes 86. Hiked a mountain? Yes. 87. Stayed home on Saturday night, just because? yep 88. Been in love with a person? Yes. 89. Seen the White house? Is it burntdown? No 90. Seen the Eiffel tower? no but i really want to 91. Tried smoking? Yep. Still am. 92. Drank alcohol? God yes. 93. Smoked marijuana? Yup 94. Played monopoly? Yeah. 95. Seen Titanic? Yes. 96. Kissed someone? Yes. 97. French kissed someone? Yes 98. Lost your virginity? Yes. 99. Tried a weight loss program? my own kind 100. Jumped on a trampoline? Yes! 101. Visited another country? um yea florida i guess 102. Colored in a coloring book: Yes. 103. Had a bubble bath? Yes. 104. Been on a plane? Yes. 105. Been on a boat? Yes. 106. Been on a train? Yes but i dont remember 107. Been in a car accident? yes 108. Ridden an elephant? nope 109. Made a web page? yes. 110. Played with Barbies? Yes. 111. Stayed up all night? Yes. 112. Shoved stuff under your bed to make your room look clean? haha yea 113. Broken a bone? my dad broke my nose 114. Called a psychic or sex hotline? Nope. 115. Watched Jerry Springer? yea 116. Gotten in trouble for talking in class? Oh god yes. 117. Been afraid of the dark? no 118. Been in the hospital(not visiting)? yep 119. Had stitches? Nope. 120. Dumped someone and regretted it? Nope. 121. Went out with more than one person at a time? Nope 122. Lied? Yes. 123. Been arrested? No 124. Fallen asleep in class? Yes. 125. Used food for something other than to eat? to throw at ppl 126. Met a celebrity? yea 127. Broken the law? Yes. 128. Ever loved someone so much it made you cry? yes 129. Hated yourself? yea 130. Been brokenhearted? Yes. ~~~~~~Do You~~~~~~ 131. Daydream? all the time 132. Like to give hugs? yes! 133. Like to walk in the rain? so much fun 134. Sleep with or without clothes on? Without... too fuckin hot out 135. Prefer black or blue pens? black 136. Dress up on Halloween? id like to...and i will this year woo ha 137. Have a job? yes! it was my second day! 138. Like to travel? so much 139. Like someone? Do they know? yes and yes 140. Sleep on your side, back, or tummy? Tummy 141. Think your attractive? kinda 142. Want to marry? Yes. 143. Have a goldfish? Nope 144. Ever have the falling dream? Nope. 145. Have stuffed animals? lots 146. Go on vacation? havent in awhile %%%%What do you think about%%%% 147. Murder: Bad. 148. Abortion: its horrible....unless you've been raped i guess 149. Bill Clinton: what a goof 150. Smoking: its bad yet so good 51. Eating Disorders: cant be a hypoocrit...but yea they are dumb 152. Rap: Bleh 153. Jerry Springer: Boring. 154. Suicide: very unfourtunate 155. South Park: very cool 156. Summer: Nice. 157. Tattoos: i need more! i need my shoulder done!!!!!! 158. Peircing: yummy 159. Make-up: makes me horny 160. Drinking: Can be fun. All in moderation though. 161. Girls: usually very dumb (Comment on this)
Monday, July 25th, 2005
11:03 am	well well well...the past couple of weeks have been fairly boring. the weekends are great, but during the week ive just been looking for work and anticipating getting my medical shit taken care of. on the bright side i got a very good phonecall about 10 minutes ago. a friend of mine that i have worked for before has been trying to do everything he can to get me a job at his company. unfourtunately there just isnt any room for me at there office right now, so the plan was for me to start working with them once they got a bigger office. at this point it doesnt look like they are gonna be moving offices until early next year. this is fine, i can get a job until then to hold me over, but yea i will definately drop the job i get now to work with them again. but yea, apparently he is trying to get something started with a friend of his at EMI records, but neither of them really have the time for it. so he is trying to get me to take over the project and work out of EMI for it only cause they have the room in their office for me. so they are trying to get me in there as soon as possible, so who knows, i could have a job with him in the next couple of weeks or something. ahhhhhh im excited. ive wanted to work with them again since we parted the first time. its also a great feeling having someone that owns a company fighting for you and coming up with and doing everything he can to keep you working with them. he doesnt want to lose me and it makes me feel special. hehehe so yea thats really all i have to say. yay me. i love steven! :) hehe toodles! Current Mood: excited (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 21st, 2005
1:19 pm	meow Your Porn Star Name is: Albino Kitty Get your own Porn Star Name (Comment on this)
Monday, July 11th, 2005
9:50 pm	wow, this past week has been quite the crazy week. ive got a bunch of medical shit goin down now...isnt that just fuckin wonderful. but i guess for having such a bad week i was rewarded with a great weekend. friday i went to toronto to see steven. we chilled for the first bit of the night, then Adrian said she was gonna take us to the bar she usually goes to for drinks. it was an awesome place. i had such a good night. i ran into a friend of mine i havent seen in a year which was awesome. Steven got liquor poured all over him by the owner hahahahaha....yea it was an great night thanks to Adrian and Smitty. Saturday we lazed around the house seeing though we didnt get to sleep until about 6:30 am. then we headed off to see "graveyard alive: a zombie nurse in love". i won the tickets through rue-morgue. the movie was awesome! the writer and director were there for a Q&A thing. it was great to hear that the idea for the movie was created over a drunken night hahahaha. so yea we got back and i pretty much just went to sleep. yay sleep. sunday we went to Steven's parents place for a BBQ. it was super cool. sylvie and jer were there as well, so that was neat. after that we went back to toronto and chilled, watched the cats for a couple of hours. Arbour!!!! what a fuckin crazy kitty! there is definately a reason we named him Arbour! he was the first kitty to climb the tree the highest. then sunday night we caught him climbing quite high up the tree....and then the little bugger jumped on the roof of the garage!!!!!! i was freakin out!!! he is my favourite!! so steven being the greatest guy in the world climbed onto the roof to get him. poor Arbour was so scared that he ran and jumped to the neighbours shed. he was meowing for mama, but she couldnt find him to save him. so steven chased him down, grabbed him and tossed him off the roof as Arbour was trying to claw his face out. Steven is the bestest! he's my hero....he saved my kitty!!! love you baby!!!!! hehehehe so yea then i headed home, dropped off jess, dropped off the car and went home. i couldnt get to sleep so i ended up staying up til about 3 blah. and yea today was a crappy boring day as usual. ah well....guess that is all, time to go home. nitey nitezzzzz Current Mood: lonely (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 30th, 2005
2:31 pm	what are friends? who are my friends? i am beginning to rethink who i called friends. i always thought that friends were people who cared about you, respect you, and support you, along with many other things. i call many people friends, some closer than others. some of the ones that i considered to be close friends have seemed to prove me wrong. i dont think a true friend would put a fellow friend in a position of disrespect. on the other end, i dont think a true friend would disrespect another fellow friend behind their back. it amazes me to see how misunderstood i am and how misunderstood ppl are towards 2 people who love each other. what friend would say something to me to disrespect someone i love. its bad enough to talk behind someones back but you dont do it to their girlfriend. dont try and fuckin convince me of something i think to be completely different, not if a fuckin disrespectful way. if you cannot just be fuckin happy for 2 people then keep it to yourself. dont try and convince me i shouldnt feel the way i do. i love him and you cannot convince me i shouldnt or that i should think of a quality in a negative way. im sorry that he has the fuckin balls to show emotions and you dont. the fact that he can show emotions is one of the greatest things about him. you are all just fuckin pussys trying to be tough guys, yet all you can do is talk shit.....and talk shit behind their back. is this the kind of stuff real friends do? if it is fuck it. at this point i am filtering my life, and that means people. the few people that do give me what i want out of a friendship are the ones i will hold close for as long as i can. i happier than ever with steven, nothing anyone says will change that. those that dont respect me, steven, or the fact that we are together can fuck themselves. i want to move further with steven, and i will.....no one will get in my fuckin way, and if ppl try to they will not be a part of my life. all i ask for is respect and you would think you get that from friends without thinking about it, but apparently thats not true. if i have to start my life with steven without certain people in my life than that is fine, i dont need you....i need myself and steven...no one else. fuck you guys Current Mood: pissed off (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 29th, 2005
1:51 pm	Boo...... I loved you once Then I loved you again And now I’ll love you forever First just a crush Then a bit more But now my feelings have taken over Always in my mind A feeling all over my body But mostly in my heart Always want to be with you It hurts me so much For us to be apart (1 Comment |Comment on this)